Impostor Syndrome: The Tell-Tale Signs and How to Overcome It

You are an Impostor.

“Who?

Me?

What?!

Well, that’s an outright lie! I’m honest, I tell the truth (I think, sometimes… well my intention is to always tell the truth, and anyway that’s what counts) I mean, I’m no fraud! And all the people in my life know that.”

I don’t mean to startle you but do you ever stop in your tracks to think about how honest you are with yourself?

Just think about it, how many times have you lied to maintain “the peace”?

What things have you done because it’s easier that way but walk away feeling resentful, angry, and upset with every little thing that comes your way?

Today, I’m all up in your face. Sorry, not sorry.

If you feel uncomfortable reading this, it’s because you’re supposed to.

It’s about time you have that meeting where you’re completely honest with yourself, about yourself.

How does that sound?

Being an impostor here doesn’t mean failing to speak the truth factually but it’s betraying the essence of who you truly are.

The impostor syndrome shows up in subtle ways that one is unable to recognize it for what it is because the person has lived in that state for as long as they can remember.

By hardly looking at the inner chaos that can be your thoughts and feelings and choosing to run away from them, is choosing to live as an impostor.

“But what good is it if I look introspectively and all I come out with is dirt?” you ask.

That’s what this blog is about.

One of the biggest problems that enable the impostor syndrome is that some of us believe that suppressing such hideous emotions and thoughts is godly.

That couldn’t be further from the truth.

Though the process to the true self is often marked by ugly stuff coming up and less than perfect scenarios, it pulls one out of convenient truth to genuine truth.

It’s not appealing to the eye at all but it’s what will have you living in alignment, standing in truth, and liberated from the fear of “being found out” or finding out the truth when it’s too late.

There are so many things we bypass because it looks like the easier approach to life but what ends up happening is that we betray ourselves in the process.

Soon enough, these little betrayals come back and bite us in the form of depression, full-on anxiety, living a duplicitous life, and many of the emotional/mental health challenges faced today.

Definition of the Impostor Syndrome

The impostor syndrome is an ego/persona one creates to cope/survive through life other than living from within.

It’s this outward personality one creates to fit in or to avoid embracing the true self that for some reason wasn’t embraced by the world around them.

The Impostor syndrome can take many forms with different people.

Facts About the Impostor Syndrome

About 70% of people experience it according to the International Journal of Behavioural Science.

It affects people from all walks of life.

Though not established, I fully believe that the Impostor Syndrome has to do with the ego we build up through life since we were born as a means to fit in and have a place in this world.

We adopt a persona that reflects what the outside world wants and expects from us but our true self is hidden under all the rubble.

Tell-tale Signs of the Impostor Syndrome

Here is a list (though not exhaustive) of sure signs of acting as an impostor:

• Knowing you should say no but say yes instead

• Wanting to prove your value and so you say yes to everything (especially in work situations)

• Taking care of others to meet a deep-seated personal need (out of a wound also applies here)

• The need for approval

• Using achievements to appear confident, smart, ambitious but really is a cover-up of insecurities

• Being image-focused because it's highly important to you how people see you.

• Using wins in life to meet the need for self-worth

• Jealousy

• Using work as a means to escape “negative” emotions

• Knowing you should speak the truth but you opt not to for the sake of peace

• Appearing to be lively when deep down inside you’re avoiding a matter

• Living in a fantasy

• The need to be in control

• Avoiding making mistakes

• Perfectionistic

• Being overly critical with self and others

• Compartmentalizing

• People-pleasing

• Changing oneself in the name of adaptation so that you can fit in and avoid raffling feathers.

• Comparison

• Duplicity

• Your sense of worth comes from accomplishments, possessions, and/or popularity

• Denying your feelings

• Taking on a workaholic approach

• Self-sufficiency- the extent to which you don’t ask for help when in need because you don’t want to appear weak or incompetent.

• Over-compensation

• Living with the need to impress

Uncovering the Impostor

Any time you’re about to make an assumption about someone including yourself without confirming it, you’re at risk for believing a lie.

This is falling into the impostor syndrome trap.

Your assumption is just a thought away from misrepresenting reality.

Since you haven’t questioned your set of assumptions, you’re falling into the trap of believing something untrue.

This is living as an impostor because you’re creating false thoughts and acting out of them without confirming the facts.

When we exchange reality for a mental creation (a hidden assumption), we enter a counterfeit world. The Impostor Syndrome world.

A question worth asking at this point that could save you from spiraling is:

In what relationship am I making an assumption that may not be true? This includes the relationship with yourself.

What small step can I take today to clarify the truth with that person or myself?

Ways to head back to the authentic self

1. Ask the hard questions

Once you’re aware of your actual feelings and thoughts, and how it’s impacting others, asking these difficult questions help.

For example:

• Why am I always in a hurry?

• What is that anxiety all about?

• Why am I so angry and defensive?

• Why do I avoid conflicts?

• Why do I get so competitive?

• Where is this internal pressure coming from?

In doing so, you discover that when you’re not in touch with what is going on inside, you aren’t in reality but in denial.

2. Slow down

You need to allow space and time for slowing down to get a sense of where you're at emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.

The fast-paced life is just a means to get away from dealing with ourselves at a gut level.

3. Journaling

Journaling is one practice that helps someone to come alive to their feelings.

As we progress toward the core of our being we are naturally going to feel that we are getting worse.

This tells us that the journey is not a walk in the park or about winning.

It’s rather a series of discoveries and humiliations of the false self who is the impostor.

4. Reframe your thoughts

In a sermon preached by Pastor Craig Groeschel, he defined reframing as “creating a different way of looking at a situation or relationship by changing its meaning.”

It’s not the facts that change but it’s how you frame it.

If you’re feeling like a fraud or needing to be in control, you can choose to reframe that situation into one where you don’t have to be any of those things by repositioning your mind.

How you frame something determines how you see it.

In fact, science supports this phenomenon.

According to the science of neuroplasticity, it is possible to create new pathways for your thoughts. It’s called creating neuro-pathways.

This is the ability to create a new pattern/system of thinking in your brain.

You can train your brain into a new way of thinking and this is what’s called reframing your thoughts.

It doesn’t take any special skill or talent to do so, but it requires perseverance and practice.

Tips on How to Reframe

a) Be grateful for what didn’t happen

Think about a much worse scenario.

Horrible things happen to people. Some we know and some we don’t. But the point is, there’s always someone who has it worse than you do.

Be grateful for the worse that didn’t happen because it could’ve happened but it didn’t!

b) Practice Pre-framing

That is, condition yourself for a wonderful experience.

For example, if you go into a meeting expecting it to be boring, you will experience the boredom because you have set yourself up to experience boredom but if you go with an upbeat mindset, regardless of how the meeting goes, your state will remain unhinged.

You will be entertained and joyful throughout.

c) Look around for the good

You will always find what you’re looking for.

If you look for the good, you will find the good, if you look for trouble, you will find trouble.

5. Question Your thoughts

Don’t always believe what your thoughts tell you.

Instead, observe them and question their validity. I say much about this in my “Internal Dialogue” article.

6. Awareness

Awareness is the first step to change.

Recognize the impostor responses and feelings when they emerge.

Recognize them for what they are and the circumstances around them when they emerge.

7. Talk about your feelings

There may be others who feel like impostors too.

You're not alone in this.

It’s better to have an open dialogue rather than harbour negative thoughts alone.

8. Practice Self-compassion

Remember that you are entitled to make small mistakes occasionally and forgive yourself.

Beating yourself down only worsens the situation.

Cut yourself some slack and go about life with an “inward ease” rather than an “uptightness” towards yourself.

9. Seek support

No man is an island.

We need one another.

Reach out for help, there’s no shame in this.

It is the strong people who have a community around them.

Conclusion

Living in inauthenticity is being an impostor.

It is a betrayal to self.

We betray ourselves when we disown and devalue the things that matter to us.

Living out of alignment with your truth is also living in the impostor world.

If you’re doing things for endorsement on the outside, that’s a false self, that's the impostor.

As a closing remark, to get out of the impostor syndrome, God will sometimes allow you to go through a “wilderness” to understand something fundamental like finding your identity, enriching your relationship with Him, knowing the true meaning of life, a change of worldview, a correct perspective, etc.

When such times come, embrace them, they’re ushering you into an upgrade.

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